Let Be, Let Go, Let In –Three Steps to Meet Holiday Stress
This article was originally published in the ISIS Scrolls in December 2010.
Are you approaching this holiday season with mixed feelings? Do you worry about balancing obligations and expectations with enjoying time with family and friends? Are you overworked and feeling stressed? If so, here is a practical and profound way to relieve some of your stress.
The following simple practices are suggested by Rick Hanson, PhD. Rick writes and lectures on recent research about mindfulness and the brain. He offers new insights into how the brain works, and how to “gradually change our own brain for greater inner strength, happiness, love, and wisdom.” While a solid
meditation practice has been shown to create such long-term changes,
mindfulness in daily life can also have profound effects.
First, I invite you to simply take a deep breath. Where are you sitting? Is it comfortable? Do you notice any tension in your body? Which of your hands is more at ease? What do you hear, smell, or see?
Now pay attention to any emotions and thoughts that arise. This is step one: Let Be. Just noticing what is happening in this moment allows us to catch our brain in the act of reacting. Our brain was designed for Stone-Age dangers, and therefore we are all wired for what Rick Hanson calls “negativity bias.” Our ancient brain centers interpret any experience in the context of survival, and actively look for and recognize the negative and possibly dangerous, rather than the positive and pleasurable. Every negative experience remains stored in the brain and easily pops up and influences how we react to new experiences. While
this was once highly useful in a primitive world, today it often creates unneeded stress. Just thinking about an upcoming holiday can make us tense and lead us to remember everything that has gone wrong before, or worry about what could go wrong in the future.
Now step two: Let Go. Much tension can be released the moment we become aware of it. Take a breath and exhale slowly through the mouth. Breath in again and add a long “ha” sound as you exhale. This signals to the brain that there is no danger. Now let your breathing be comfortable.
Allow your tongue to relax and your jaw to soften. Feel your body respond. Let go of your thoughts. If they linger, consciously shift attention from negative thoughts to specific, positive ones, such as “I have a good plan,” “Last year things worked out well,” “I can ask for help,” or “I have this wonderful new recipe everyone liked.” Remember to be kind to yourself and speak to yourself as a good friend would: “I am doing my best,” or “I am only human.”
Letting go may be enough to shift into a more relaxed state, but powerful memories are not easy to move, especially when self-judgment and self-blame are involved.
Here begins step three: Let in. With this step we consciously replace our negative thoughts with positive memories—being cared for, caring for others, and connections with family, friends, pets, community, and nature. Take a moment to remember your favorite Thanksgiving celebration or some other favorite event. See the faces and the food, hear the voices, notice who is there, smell and taste the food, feel your hands as you participate. Now check in with how your body feels and whether your emotions have changed. Are you more relaxed, perhaps even smiling? Reliving a strong positive memory can shift your experience in seconds.
Rick Hanson suggests that we can deliberately build a “resource library” of positive experiences to counteract our brain’s natural negativity. To do this we need to tuck away positive memories in a conscious way. He suggests that even brief, pleasurable experiences, or “good facts about the world and yourself,” can be stored by savoring them for a few moments—even just 10 to 30 seconds. To amplify an experience use all your senses, and then, “intend that this positive
experience is sinking into you, becoming a part of you, a resource you can take wherever you go.” He calls this “taking in the good.”
In the coming weeks, let yourself be curious as to where you will find opportunities for “taking in the good.” Add these to your resource library. Look for simple experiences such as the sun coming out after a rain, hearing the pleasure in the other person’s voice when you call, noticing the color or smell of your meal, or savoring the touch of a loved one. Be kind to yourself, and remember that mindfulness is a first step that can be practiced any time of day, especially when things are not going your way. This is your chance to take a breath and benefit from this simple formula: Let be, let go, let in.
A peaceful, joyous season to you!
Photo by Leland Francisco